So I've been meaning to start a blog for ages.
Well, start a blog and keep it, anyway. The big question has been: what is this about? Why am i here? What do i have to say? Does anyone give a shit? I am by no means a quiet person - i can talk a lot. And i am analytical and curious by nature. So there's a lot going on my head and a lot i have to talk about. So i finally decided to start a blog on something i love and something i hate - or rather, something i could talk about endlessly, and something i need to talk about.
Something i hate: So I've got depression. This is something i need to talk about. Honestly, this is something we as a society need to talk about. If you bring up depression with someone who isn't familiar with the topic or isn't comfortable with it, you usually get one of two reactions. 1) "Oh....I'm sorry..."*uncomfortable silence* And then they assume everything you say will be sad and act somber, or they say almost nothing and pretend the floor is really, REALLY fascinating until they can suddenly think of something to change the subject.. 2) "Have you seen a doctor? Maybe you should get some meds. They helped my cousin. Well, how do you know if you haven't tried them first?"
Just because someone is depressed doesn't mean everything they say will be sad. It doesn't mean they are always sad. It doesn't mean they want you to be sad for them - in fact, that will likely make them feel worse. I have days where I'm a goddamn ray of sunshine, sometimes. If you don't get it, ask us. If you don't know what it means, ask us. If you're uncomfortable because you don't know what to say, that's ok, just don't pretend it's invisible, like a giant pink elephant you're avoiding making eye contact with. And not everybody needs meds. Throwing pills at a problem doesn't always fix it. And the side effects aren't always worth it. I've got pretty mild depression, so i have my bad days, but a lot of times some sleep, a cheerful movie, and a good friend to talk to will help. Not always, but a lot of the time. I cannot tell you how many times people have told me "well maybe you need medication" right off the bat. It's possible, but it's not like trying a new kind of muffin. You don't just try it on. It's something you research and talk to a pro about. And at this point in time, i haven't found evidence that any sort of heavy meds will provide more positive effects than negative. I've been trying a supplement called Sam-e(which i highly recommend) and it really seems to be helping so far. And this brings me to...
Something i love: In my opinion, the best way to get out of a sour mood is to do something you love. This doesn't always fix it. Some days are too bad to fix. But i have fixed many a bad day by baking some cookies. Worst case scenario? I'm still in a bad mood and i have cookies. There are worse things. But i also find that writing or watching a good film can help. Writing allows me to get out my anxieties, even if it's on a piece of paper that i throw away. And a good film can inspire you or give you hope that sometimes there are happy endings, even if it's only a story. But what helps me to heal the most is music. It inspires me, gives me hope, tells a story, and it evokes emotions i sometimes forget about. As someone who sometimes feels a little numb, that's a pretty powerful thing.
And so i guess my goal here is to create a place to talk about those difficult days and the struggles of living with a weight on your shoulders, and the things that make it worth trouble. So it is a place for me and my own thoughts, but if it can provide any advice for anyone dealing with the same things, or help them feel less alone, than i will be nothing short of ecstatic.
And so begins my journey into the land of Blog.
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